To Kevin, June 9 at 9:02pm

Hey dude,
Hope all is well and the photo booth business is splendid. It’s not like I am impressed by your very gentlemanly behavior last week. Still, with the qualities of being a real American, having a car and being very handsome to look at I would enjoy hanging out with you (without the company of Jose, Dominican, Columbian or whatever shit the FDA recommends). I am almost certain you have plenty of other admirable character traits too. Take it easy. xoxox

From Kevin, June 9 at 11:41pm

Hey,
Thanks for writing.
Sure, we could hang some time.
Btw, did you get a morning after pill?

To Kevin, June 10 at 9:00pm

I did not and I am now pregnant with triplets. I've also filed for adoption of a boy from Malawi in your name. I hope you don't mind.

To Kevin, June 16 at 10:00pm

Hey dude,
My new number is 919 45x xxxx. Give me a call when you are in the city if you regain/acquire a sense of humor.
Kind regards, xoxo

Needless to say, we never heard from him again. And a sense of humor is still on the loose.